Nashville or Bust

The trip that started a longer journey

Day +34: Moving On

Finish line selfie. Blood Cancer Center, Jewish/Mercy Hospital, October 13, 2015.

Finish line selfie.
Blood Cancer Center, Jewish/Mercy Hospital, October 13, 2015.

We broke the news in an obscure way on Facebook and in text messages to family. A black picture of nothingness entitled “Dave’s new self portrait.”

The news was received with a few vague replies and comments in return. And then, it dawned on people what we were trying to say.

Black is the new YES! Black is the new GOOD! Black is the new NORMAL!

The PET scan results came in today and they were as dark and black as Mammoth Cave. Nothing lit up on the scan because there was no cancer in Dave’s body to light up the images. No whammies. Not even one.

Definitely a different picture than what was recorded on May 29 when numerous spots glowed and flickered. It’s a pretty wild delta in a space of only 137 days.

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Thanks, Jim for the clutch find. Had to use this meme!

So what exactly does this mean?

Well, first and foremost, Dave is officially back in remission. The rounds of RICE followed by the scorching week of BEAM followed by the stem cell transplant officially kicked the recurrence of Lymphoma out of his system and restored his being. Since transplant and those tepid early + days, his counts have risen and continue to move into the accepted range. And while he still needs to protect himself and take precautions, he doesn’t need to be a complete hermit. He can get out and about a bit more. He can loosen up on the diet restrictions a bit. He can get back to doing the things he likes to do and living the way he likes to live.

There will be days when his energy is low and there will be monitoring, certainly. Heck, there has been some form of monitoring since 2010. But I don’t think we are going to have the super-steeped moments of anxiety (or, as our friend Kevin likes to say, ‘scanxiety’) that have led up to test dates in the past. Life is too sweet and too fleeting to waste living under the self-imposed burden of ‘what if.’ Been there. Done that. Wept those tears. Cathartic as those jags were, breathing without pressure is much preferred.

The kids are both dazed and ecstatic with the news. Each of them internalized this round of recurrence and rebuilding in unique ways. Each of them sat within their own space of uncertainty that neither of us can ever imagine. Each of them were troopers and tender hearts, propping us up when needed and taking on more than we ever fathomed they’d have to at this age. For them, this night is truly special.

I can’t speak for Dave but I am simply experiencing a wave of calm and peace. It feels good and I will take it and have it for as long as it is mine. The reality is – as we’ve been reminded a few times now – in this life, we can only control what we do, think and say. So I will be grateful for this moment and accepting that what comes next is simply what comes next. Love with abandon.~ Jacqui

October 13, 2015 - Posted by | Dave, Everyday

5 Comments »

  1. Great, fantabulous news!!!

    Comment by Kelly | October 13, 2015 | Reply

  2. Looking GREAT there Killens!
    Might I suggest that if you need a great secluded hideout to just get away for the day you make your way to the Smith ponderosa? I would be more than glad to host you for some peace and quiet. Of course that would mean I would have to leave once you got here! 😊
    Got a great pond that sits down over the hill a ways where nobody can see ya. Let you take the ranger down there and just soak up some nature!
    Just let me know if ya wanta!

    David

    Comment by Smith, David | October 13, 2015 | Reply

  3. Hooray! Here’s hoping “Roger” is in the cancer version of a roach motel.

    Comment by Damian Dotterweich | October 14, 2015 | Reply

  4. So happy to read this.

    Comment by SuburbanJen | October 27, 2015 | Reply

    • Thanks! Hope all is well with you and the boys. Happy to see you writing again. 😉

      Comment by daveandjacqui | October 27, 2015 | Reply


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