Nashville or Bust

Little Victories (from Dave)

I had a bit of trouble falling asleep last night. I have been thinking, focusing, wondering, waiting and hoping as a way of life for the past week and I realized that it was at this time last week that I was getting ready for a bunch of tests and my first round of Chemo.

I must admit that much of last Monday was a complete blur and I am grateful for that. I was given a bunch of information, lots of handouts, pamphlets and info sheets. Lots of info that I will pick away at day by day but it is big picture learning. In a bit of contrast, the most important things I have learned this week have come from the most unusual places as well as right under my nose.

Those who really know me well know that I am pig-headed, stubborn to a fault and have a great deal of trouble giving up control of things and allowing others to help me.   Hold on to your hats folks, but I have listened!! The love, well wishes, notes, positive energy (especially this), support and kindness that has poured over me and my family this week has been felt and is so real.  Jacqui and I talk each evening about it in some way. We both feel it like a wave and it is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. It sounds a bit corny and such, but there is no way to really describe the feeling of being cradled in kindness and love. I have an army behind me and that has allowed me to “stop” and focus on kicking this nasty disease the hell out of my body.

This week, I have felt pretty shitty…yet at the same time, I feel really “up.” As bad as I might feel, I know I am on my way and things are happening. I know that things will get worse before they get better and I also know that in many ways, I can consider myself very lucky. Lucky to have found this the way I did and to find it early. Lucky to have the most amazing colleagues on campus that are there 100% for me every day, taking care of everything so that I can rest and fight. So lucky that my bones were found to be clean and that I remain at stage 1.

Two weeks ago,  I was having a beer with a good friend and trying to figure out some of this puzzle and the question that just kept circling around in my head was “How in the hell did I get HERE?” What I took away was, I am “here.” I have cancer and that is a fact. That moment helped me begin a complete change in the way I see and react to things. I am not the same person anymore.

That is where the little victories come in and this is how I now approach every day. They are out there and you can see them, hear them and experience them if you choose but they are also really easy to ignore. Small wins and little acts of support and kindness make the biggest difference and I hope to never lose this new perspective. The world is moving too fast these days and we are forced to comply at times just to keep our heads above water… but… I will never spend another day walking this planet without taking a few minutes each night to be thankful that I am here and that I am loved and supported.

My wife and kids have been the most amazing. Yep, it is my body but Jacqui is going through every bit of this with me. She is by far the strongest person I know or have ever known. I don’t know if any of this makes sense…I am not sure reading it back that I even understand what I am saying but I am ok with that. I just know that this week will bring new challenges and I hope many more small victories.  I hope everyone starts to look for them in their lives and sees the real power in them.

d

October 18, 2010 - Posted by daveandjacqui | Brandon, Dave